I Love You
Its been over a month now. The pain is still there, it shifts and changes. I don’t remember how I left my dad on the last day I saw him, but it was so engrained in me that I know that my last words were “I love you.” along with a hug. He taught me that and I remember that day vividly. A stoic 11ish year old saying good night I mumbled something in response to my parents and my dad gently told me, “Its OK to say ‘I love you’ back.” From that day I always did.
I texted my Dad on the afternoon of the 21st, shortly before he passed, not knowing of course that it would be my last message to him, it read, “Hey Dad, I love you…” he didn’t respond but I saw that he “read” it. It had been a busy day. At the time his lack of response didn’t bother me, nor unsettle me, and now looking back I don’t strain for any signs after his passing that he loved me. His whole life was given for me. He loved me every day of my life. I can still feel his fatherly embrace from thousands of hugs over a lifetime.
Now I sit here at the end of the day recounting these things and considering how I can better love my wife and kids. My life is so very full and is best lived to be fully spent. I learned that from him too.